YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You never have been. Feeling alone is an illusion.
In our darkest moments, when you are alone in the desert with the shotgun in your mouth and you taste the bitter saltiness of the barrel and your finger is on the trigger, a fraction of an inch from release. From ending it all. And you yearn for it. Know that you are not alone. I have been with you. Countless millions or billions have been exactly where you are. An instant from oblivion. And we have stepped back from the ledge. Have released the trigger and allowed the barrel to slide into our laps. Have cried because we didn’t believe we were strong enough to end it all. Have thought that we were worthless. A failure. That we couldn’t even do this right.
Over time we have grown. Have learned about ourselves and our shadow. Have learned to trust ourselves and others. Have discovered that trust was the key to a lock. A lock that allowed a door to open. A door to love. Conditional at first. And still a deeper sense of love a connectedness than we could have ever imagined. Eventually, a love beyond trust. Unconditional love. Infinite connectedness. Love that knows no boundaries. Love that accepts us for the wretched, dark, broken souls that we believe ourselves to be. Love that shines a light on our imperfections, showing them to be a beautiful patina instead. A light that allows us to see our hard-won scars and failures clearly and to love them as well. To see them as part of our beautiful individuality in this worldly realm. A light that allows us to share them, to use them to connect with other beautifully broken souls who can’t yet see the light of unconditional love and to help them heal. These scars, hurts and experiences become powerful beyond belief. You become powerful beyond belief.
To those who can’t see the light yet. Trust my eyes and heart, having been exactly where you are today. Trust that you will live well beyond this dark moment and likely many more. Trust that you are strong and resilient beyond belief. Trust that you will persevere and you will find the key of trust that unlocks the door of love. Trust that you will see and feel the light of unconditional love and heal. Trust that you will integrate your shadow. Trust that you will be whole. Trust that you will go forth and heal others.
You are not alone. You never were. You are beautiful and loved exactly as you are.
Infinite Love Expressed
[Update] If you needed to hear this and it helped you, I am honored. If you are in the dark place near the edge, I encourage you to talk with someone you trust and share at least a bit of what you are feeling. That will reduce the weight of the burden and begin to evaporate the shame that we often feel. If you don't have anyone to talk to yet, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Big Love. –CP